Conflict Isn’t the Problem…

It’s how we bring ourselves to it.

If we were all psychologically and emotionally healthy, conflict would be a whole lot easier to resolve.

But most of us aren’t.

Not fully,

Not yet.

Yes, I’m talking about them.

But I’m also talking about you.

And me.

We expect others to take responsibility for how they show up,

But forget we’re arriving at that same conflict carrying our own unrest.

We expect peace from others,

While we’re not at peace within ourselves.

So we show up tense,

Wounded,

Reactive.

And judge them for doing the same.

Why do we blame others for acting out of their brokenness,

When we’re still tending our own?

When we haven’t healed.

When we’re still learning how to respond instead of lash out.

When we’re still carrying voices that aren’t ours.

Sometimes, you think you're defending yourself

But really you're reenacting the fear, neglect, or chaos of your upbringing.

You’re not just arguing with them,

You’re arguing with ghosts.

From your past,

That are still with you.

This is what unhealthy conflict looks like: the past pouring into the present.

Without our consent,

But with our participation.

So yes, you have issues.

So do they.

Sometimes it’s them.

But you know what?

It’s you, too.

It’s us.

And we can’t control them.

But we can control how we show up.

If we want healthy conflict,

We have to start with us.

Let your own healing lead the way.

Let them see you then show up with calm, curiosity, and care for what’s going on for them…

Not as a weapon,

But as an invitation.

To collaborate.

That they see what's possible when we get our ‘self’ together.

That this time, you are showing up differently…